Stupid News Headlines

Updated: Nov 25, 2019

By Kenzie Farmer

We are often accused of not paying attention to what is going on around us. “Pay attention to the news” they say! The following news stories may answer the question as to why we don’t pay attention to the news:


'The ducks have won': French court says they may keep on quacking

There was a farmer which had over 60 ducks. His neighbor had made a complaint and requested a court hearing to try to have his neighbor slaughter or remove his ducks because their quacking was apparently “Making their life a misery”. The farmer had won the case and continued to let his ducks quack freely.

Bosnia’s ‘lady in red’ has already planned her red afterlife

67 year old, Bosnia Zorica Rebernik spent her life in red , from head to toe, surroundings, and all belongings for four decades and plans to stay that way even after she dies. This all started when she was 18 or 19. She feels as if it gives her “strength and power”. This has made her locally famous to the point where public strangers always tend to offer her different red things to add to her collection, in which she’ll only accept if its red.

Bird ‘arrested’ by Dutch cops after owner busted for shoplifting

Cops had busted the bird with his owner eating sandwiches from a local convenience store, on his owners shoulders. They had locked the bird in a jail cell as they tended to not have bird cages and the local jail...

Truck driver escapes ticket by replacing broken taillight with red sports drink

A Colorado truck driver had replaced his busted tail light with a bottle of red gatorade. Police had pulled him over, took his word that he was on his way to get it fixed, and let him go without a ticket because it “helped preventing having an accident”..

Knife, spoons and screwdrivers removed from man’s stomach

An indian man in which had a Psychiatric Disorder , had been rushed to the hospital after swallowing 2 screwdrivers, 2 toothbrushes, 8 spoons, and a kitchen knife which had all tended to start puncturing his stomach.

Gatorade banned and fined $300k for bad-mouthing water

Gatorade was banned from insulting its main competitor ,water, and fined $300,000 after it slandered nature’s sports drink in a video game. Guess what state’s legal eagle this came from? Yep...California’s Attorney General

Japanese moms are comparing babies’ arms to bread

Since last week, Japanese parents have been tweeting snaps of their babies’ chubby arms next to bread rolls with the hashtag #Mybabysgotthebestbreadphoto. The eccentric contest was inspired by the “pull-apart bread” that’s sold in Japan’s 7-Eleven stores.